I told Becky and Jules that we should go somewhere after the New Year. Jules said Paris, and Becky suggested Italy (though it was difficult to convince her to leave David for a few days).

Meanwhile I started looking for another job on the internet, so I can start after the holiday, it’s hard for me to find a job as a director, mum was right I should have studied something else (not a teacher of course), no! no! I shouldn’t have said that, I love movies and should always keep a hope that one day Coppola will adapt me.

Maybe I should have a gathering from colleagues I had from school. Yeah, that’s a good idea. I should start. 

I looked for some email addresses I kept; I only found the addresses from Amanda, Maggie, Johnny, Liam and Harry. First I should think of an idea for the project and then contact them.

Here’s a list for projects to work on:

-          Christmas: would be perfect because now I’m in the Christmas holiday and the spirit would affect my attitude for it.

-          Documentary about a city in Europe: Boring, but would love to travel. 

-          A comedy about anything: I’m not funny.

-          An adaptation for a book: what book?

-          A musical: haven’t they already made for al musicals?

-          About opera music: I don’t know anything about it, and it reminds me of Tom (wow, this time it didn’t hurt much to mention him)

 

It’s so difficult to think of any!
and I should find a producer and a whole crew, and then the cast. It’s really difficult.
I’ll think about it later!!!!!

 

On Tuesday Jules and Becky came over and we all watched Love Actually, all the 3 of us LOVE this movie, we watch it every holiday, during the Christmas week. We just love looking at all these actors in one film. Maybe I should make a film that looks like Love Actually, with 10 stories and 50 actors.

After we finished we had a discussion about which story of all the 7 (or 8) is the most romantic, every year we have the same discussion, it’s getting boring actually.

Becky and I agreed that the story between Colin Firth and that Portuguese skinny girl is our favorite, because of the chemistry it contains, but Jules claimed it was stupid. “how people can fall in love and they haven’t even formed one conversation?”

But I think it’s all about Colin’s eyes, how can a woman resist the look?

Later on we decided it’s really stupid that discussion and decided to watch another film, we watched Match Point, you know that movie with Scarlet Johansson and Jonathan Rhys Meyer. But there was one problem, the opera music, the whole movie contained opera music, and it’s about adultery and then a crime, it reminded me of Tom, maybe I should have murdered him. I’ll ask dad if he had a pistol.

 

An hour ago, Becky was here and she invited me to the Christmas eve party she and David are having at their house, a lot of our old mates hopefully will be there, hope I can get any ideas for a new film, maybe I’ll meet a producer  (not a middle age half twit neither an Edward Bloody Dark – I hoped he’s not invited).

“have you touched Twilight?” she asked after she saw the book on the shelf, hidden with all the others.

“ermm, no…if you want it back, take it, I don’t think I would be reading books for the next century”
”why you would ever say that though?”

“erm, I don’t know, maybe because it’s waist of time” I saw the look on her face and added immediately, “ops! I shouldn’t have said that”

“waste of time?”
”well” I tried explaining, “if you read much, you would start living in inexistent world, and would make you fall for people who don’t exist, then you would start thinking about stuff you should never have thought of”

“wow” she said mocking me, “that’s a strong speech from someone who doesn’t know who’s Charles Dickens”

“oh bugger off beck,” I said offended “who wants to listen to your lecture about literature”

“I have to go now babe” she looked at her watch, “David is taking me out”
”what’s the occasion?”

“2 years anniversary”

“you’re not married yet”
”we have been going out for two years”
”ah”

“can’t you remember last year, when we went out and it was also great because Elton John was married same date”

“Elton John? Ahhhh, yeah, he was married last year”

“yeah”
”let David take you to the restaurant where Elton’s David is taking him”

she just laughed.
”maybe I should be a lesbian” I eventually said, “my life would be better”

On Sunday Becky came over and said that she heard from Jules about what happened, and Jules told her everything.

Becky was really nice when she said that all men are bastards (except her David).

But later she said something quit awkward, that wouldn’t look weird for a mouth of someone like Becky.
”Tom is a vampire” she said.

“Dracula is an angel, compared to that bastard”
”I’m not talking about Dracula” she said, “I’m saying that he’s a real vampire, you know a blood sucker”

“yeah right” I said, “What book you’ve been reading lately”
she starred at me as if I said something offensive.

“I’m telling you he’s a vampire”
”erm” I said trying to make sense, “we live in a real world Becky, where men cheat on their girlfriends”
”no… it’s just I really think he’s a vampire”
”from what movie? Book? I thought you’re not a great fan of Buffy”

actually…erm, Twilight”
”what the hell is that?”
”a new bestseller book”
”what’s about?”
”Vampires”
”ah… okay, great!”
she immediately gave me the weird looking book with the stupid apple on it’s cover (vampires eat apples) and let me read it.
”you’re mental? This is fiction”
”apparently not!”

“it’s a young-adult fiction”

“so?”
”you’re 25”

“look, just read the bloody book and when you finish it we’ll talk”
”fine”

huff

 

I didn’t read the book, I wasn’t in the mood. So I placed it on the shelf with the other books. I have a huge list of books to read by the start of the new year, but I think I’ll keep them as a resolution for the next year.

 

This week was pretty much boring, I didn’t do anything, I was still depressed and only stayed at home, I watched TV a lot just to keep my mind away from Tom, but it didn’t work, my mum kept driving me insane, she hates seeing me doing nothing.

“Go out and do something useful” she said, “and stop eating this rubbish, look how fat you look”.
oh! Fat! What’s the point anyway?

“Mum, leave me alone!” I murmured. I wasn’t in the mood to have a fight with mum.

Mum might look stupid sometimes, but she ditched me this time.

I wasn’t in the mood to do anything, not any effort, not even taking a shower, so I smell so bad and probably should have a shower or else mum will kick me out of the house.

 

I really felt bad, I wanted to change my mood, or else I’ll start praying every night, and begging God to ask the earth to swallow me.

Maybe I should ask Jules and Becky to go on vacation somewhere (doesn’t matter where) just the 3 of us, without men. Good plan.

Other suggestions?

Most awful thing happened to me …

Let me start from the beginning.

Yesterday (Friday) was last day at work (yes we finished before Christmas), and so we had a party on Friday night as usual, Becky and Jules couldn’t come they had other plans, I cant remember what, maybe Becky had a dinner with David’s parents (poor girl).

But Tom promised he would come, he promised and assured his attendance, so I was excited to go to the sodding party. But he didn’t show up, I waited for him for an hour, I called him but he wasn’t bloody answering, I was bored and couldn’t bare seeing everyone having fun but me, and that Natasha Wilster irritated me, while she kept herself so close to Edward bloody Dark, trying not to get him closer to any girl around him, and she kept looking at my direction every single second, amused to see me standing alone like I was a looser stuck in this place by mistake. Bloody Natasha!

 

Eventually I decided to go and see what’s the matter with Tom, hoping he had a good excuse; maybe he had forgotten because of exams, or work or anything, and we would end up hanging at his place (and yes! I was prepared).       

As I stepped to his apartment I heard some really powerful opera music, I thought it would be really great, so we can listen together, as a start for my new opera obsession.

But as soon as I stepped into his apartment I saw a mess, some stuff on the ground,  and there was a light that came from his bedroom, I hesitated before entering but eventually I stepped inside trying not to expect anything bad, but what could be worse than finding a stark naked skinny woman lying on the bed pretending to be dead? And not only that, there was also some drops of wine that looked like blood on her mouth down to her neck.

I stood for a while shocked and couldn’t remove a foot, I couldn’t stare more at the revolving picture, then I saw Tom coming from somewhere, he looked at me, and I couldn’t look at him, I immediately ran away, and went home. Crying.

 

When I arrived home, mum saw me crying and asked me what’s the mater, I told her nothing and to leave me alone, but she didn’t , instead she forced me to tell her that Tom cheats on me, she was great, she said she expected him to do such a thing, “all men are the same, they want to get laid, once they cant, they look for a prostitute”.
Mum could be annoying sometimes, but she’s the best to make it easier on me when I’m depressed, only this time, because I’m suicidely depressed.

All the time I thought Jeremy was the worst of guys, but he’s an angel compared to

Tom.

I wanted Tom to call, I wished he would have ay explanation that would bring everything as it was before, I don’t know, a crazy sister he had in his apartment, his new roommate’s girlfriend, someone obsessed with him, and couldn’t leave him, anything…

Jules called and heard me crying over the phone, I told her Tom ‘might’ be cheating on me, and I have to hang up in case he calls, “DON’T!” she shouted over the phone, “Don’t answer him if he calls, and don’t touch your phone! I’m coming over!” and so she came to my house.
She immediately turned my mobile off, and maybe ate it.

I told her about everything I saw. She felt how hurt I was, even though she couldn’t do anything to make it easier on me, but she didn’t leave me, she was great and she slept over (hard to believe that Mum encouraged her to).

I woke up today (Saturday) and when remembered what happened yesterday I felt depressed again, but not as I felt yesterday, at least I’m better today.

Jules was even more great today, she decided to take me out and shop for Christmas, that would definitely change my mood, and would make me feel so better, and actually it did, until I was in that shop and decided to try something on, and felt how fat I was, then I remembered how skinny that stark naked woman on Tom’s bed was, it completely ruined the day, and maybe I’ll stay depressed for the next, erm, I don’t know, century!

A new resolution: to loose a thousand pounds.

I should start with a list for resolutions, maybe by the start of the new year.

I always thought I can’t be committed to anything, you know when I said I’m going to write each week, on Saturday, well, lets forget that rule and let me write whenever I want, I’m too bored to wait till Saturday, who cares anyway, I’m making the rules here, it’s my bloody blog.

Anyway, what happened to my Tom?

He didn’t call, neither did I call, I thought he should call. You see, that’s how it works. If you don’t call, they never call!

Meanwhile at work, my boss started asking me to get him a tea, according to him “we live in England for fuck’s sake”. I don’t really LOVE tea, so I only drink it when there’s no coffee, so I made him a tea that for me looks normal. “did I fucking ask for fucking black tea?” that’s what he said, unbelievable!

“You can bloody use a pigment” hope that shut him up.

 

Today at work while I was minding my own business, trying to stay as much as possible away from my boss, a girl I’m not sure what her name was, was it Kate? Called me, she was standing with Edward Bloody Dark (another man I really don’t want to be close to), and came to my direction after I tried pretending I haven’t heard her.

 

“Sam, where’s your boyfriend?” what did she want? “what was his name?” and Edork joined her, I hate him.
”you mean Tom?” I answered her.
”Tom Killan?” asked EBD

“yeah...it is him actually”

“oh is he friend of yours Edward?” she asked amused.

“absolutely NOT!” he said, as if he would look so stupid if he was his friend.

“well… I think he’s nice!” she said as if she’s really close to me and knows me for years, “I hope he’s really good for you, right Edward?”

“I think I could say again with total confidence absolutely Not!” he said again. I HATE him.

“I’m sure he would say the same about you giving your past behavior” I said proudly

“sorry?” he said.
”you know exactly what I mean” I said furious, “What? Are you jealous?”
”What?” he said “me? Jealous? For what? for not being him?”

I couldn’t believe he said that.
”Look” he continued, “just be careful! Alright?”

And he walked away.

“Wow” said Kate ” like the way he talks!”
I looked at her trying to raise one eyebrow so I can tell her that she’s ridiculous, but I couldn’t (I don’t Know why I can’t raise one eyebrow with out the other) so she thought I looked stupid. Bloody Kate!

 

I called Jules and told her about what Edward Dark said but she only laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked annoyed while I was on the phone, “he’s a wanker”
but she kept laughing.
”Jules?”
”Sam” she said calming down, “maybe he fancies you, that’s why he said that”
”he doesn’t fancy me” I said although might be amused by that, “he obviously hates me and think I’m the stupidest thing, and besides I hate him”
”he danced with you”
”well, maybe because he thought I can really dance, or pitied me for standing alone, or maybe bloody Becky pegged him to”
”maybe, and maybe not”
”bugger off Jules” I said angrily, “who asked you anyway” and I hanged up.

Wow, is it December Already?

What happened last week?

Oh yeah, I remember Tom didn’t call after party, neither he returned any message, until Monday, he called and apologized, he said he had a huge test, and he had lots of essays, he forgot to turn his mobile on, I’m not sure whether to believe him or not. How he can manage study 24/7? I don’t know how people can do that? As for me I don’t study 5 hours, and I usually keep my mobile on so can people disturb me and “rescue” me from hell.

The chaps at work decided to make parties every Friday, first because we’re already in December and Christmas is on the way, and second because it’s not expensive, we already have food on the set anyway, and we don’t need a DJ.

Haven’t seen Edward Dark on the set this week, but… want to hear something embarrassing?

Well, I was at the CDs store on Thursday, trying to look for some opera music, (yeah I’m starting to listen to it, but I don’t know anything about it), I was confused between Pavarotti (the one that died 2 months ago, you see, when someone dies I start listening to him) and that blind one, what’s his name? Is it Bocelli? But there was this song on the background for The Clash, well, to cut a long story short, I was caught dancing and singing by Edward Dark. He looked at me like I was the stupidest thing ever been a CDs store, as if I never entered this kind of place before, that was embarrassing, I immediately run away.

I don’t think I’ll be going to anywhere he might be near for the next decade. Not because I really care what he would think of me or because I like him (if you were wondering) no! That’s only because I’m embarrassed. Don’t you get that feeling from time to time?

As for the party on Friday (yesterday), I decided not to go, but the girls were already planning to go and Tom called me to assure his attendance! Eventually I went ( by the way Edork wasn’t on the set yesterday, maybe that’s why I went there).

I saw Tom there, he was as cute as ever, I think girls I work with think I’m the luckiest (except the boss thing of course); last time I danced with Edork (lots of girls at the set don’t concentrate with him around) and today I brought my handsome boyfriend.

“hey Samantha” who dares calling me that name?

“Natsha!” I looked at her surprised.
you remember Natasha Wilster? I think I mentioned her before. Urgh she irritates me with her blond straight hair, and skinny figure, well, she’s not that tall, but, urgh!

“What you’re doing here?” I asked her.
”I was invited” I hate the way she talks.

“AH really? By whom?”
”Edward Dark” and she turned her stupidly smiling face to where he was standing.

Thanks god Tom was accompanying me! At least Mr. Edork wouldn’t get near me.

“Alright” I said, “This is Tom Killan, my boyfriend” haha, she looked jealous.

Tom shook hands with her, and she was so dazzled. MUHAHAHAHA!!

There wasn’t dancing this time, turned out there was a problem with the sound or whatever is that thing…I really wanted to dance with Tom. But anyway.. it doesn’t matter, maybe next week.

We left early, we haven’t found anything to do, so we just left, Jules and Becky already left, they said Daniel and David were really hungry, so they went to eat.

Tom said he wasn’t hungry, of course he wasn’t, he never eats, I practically eat all the food we order. He suggested going to his apartment, and I was curious. And it wasn’t late, so who would ask.

His apartment was really cool, it had those kind of modern light colours which were so fantastic, everything looked expensive, how rich is he?

I took a small tour around it (I like taking tours…hahaha) well, it was interesting, to find that his apartment was not fully arranged, but his bed and kitchen looked so neat, as if he haven’t touched them for ages, was he sleeping on someone’s else apartment? Is he cheating on me??

He put some music on; one of the albums by Sting, I can’t remember which one. He served me a drink and we sat on the couch, he looked bizarrely at me, and when I put my drink down, he started kissing my neck, his breath was so cold, and so his lips.
Now there, you would think we ended up shagging in his apartment, but we didn’t, why? Because it’s winter and I don’t usually shave my legs at this time of year.
so I made the simplest excuse, I told him I had my period and we should wait!
he wasn’t convinced (don’t know why, thought I can be convincing).
Anyway, eventually I left, I couldn’t stay more!

Today (Saturday) Jules called and I told her about yesterday’s incident.
“It’s time for you to start shaving in winter” she said, as if I just entered the a whole new world of adult (reminds me when I got my first period).
And so I did shave my legs so next time I will be prepared, and not make a horrible excuse and run away!

All the chaps from work were arranging a party on Friday after work, it was splendid, because I really wanted a party, I immediately asked Jules and Becky to come, Becky and David were already invited by that Edork what’s his face.

I invited Jules and told her to bring Daniel. And of course I invited Tom.
”I’m not sure I would be able to come.” Tom said over the phone.
”why not?” I was disappointed.
”I have an essay on…”
”can’t you work on it later?” I interrupted “look, if that’s because of Edward Dark, you know you don’t have…”

“It’s not him”.
”then?”
”alright, I’ll be there”
”great!”
hurrah.

I haven’t seen Edward Dark during this week, so I suspected he won’t be able to come, it would be easier this way, and Tom would feel comfortable.

On Friday, Jules and Daniel came early, which was great, but Tom haven’t arrived with them. I asked them where he was, but they had no clue.

I hoped he would arrive very soon.
And suddenly Edward Dark was visible to me, I just hate him, why he decided to come? Tom would have been very uncomfortable with him around.

Becky and David joined later, and there was no sign of Tom yet.
David of course immediately was caught up in conversations with that Edork, while the latter was looking at me. What does he want??

I sent a message to Tom’s mobile but he didn’t reply. What was going around?

“Why he’s not coming?” I lost my patience.
Becky and Jules stood clueless.
”he’s late” I continued, “it’s only because of that bastard” I said angrily.
”who?” asked Jules.
”Edward Bloody Dark”
”What he got to do with it?” asked Becky.
”he bloody shagged his girl” I said angrily.
”how do you know that?”
”Tom told me”
”but, Edward seems like a really nice bloke”
”Apparently he’s not” interrupted Jules.

it was really nice when they put some Latin music on (considering we were working on a related film), I seriously love these kind of music, I always wished I should have a dancing course on Latin music and ball room, but I was lazy and forgot.

So at this party people started dancing, and all I wished was that Tom was here, and asked me to dance, he’s American, it’s easier for him to have the lead (you know when they have too many Latin people there).

David danced with Becky, he wasn’t that good, but Becky was enjoying her time, and I just love watching this couple dancing. They’ve been together for 2 years, and she already moved in to live with him. Wish tom and me would be the same. maybe we would, when he asks me to go to America with him, we would be living in Beverley hills and I would be a famous director, that would be wicked.

But right then I really wanted to dance, you know when you have this kind of feeling were you have to dance, it just hurt me to see a lot of people dancing this kind of sexy dance, while I’m standing alone just looking at them like an old bag. I would dance with anyone (except my boss of course)

Harry, a really nice bloke works with me asked me to dance with him, he said he didn’t know how to dance this dance, but he would really try it with me. Well, the dance wasn’t really great, he kept stepping on my feet, and kept apologizing on every single step, until I told him I really have to go to the loo.

I messaged Tom again and told him that I’m so bored and really wish he was there to dance with me or keep me company. I seriously considered leaving but I heard an aloof voice behind me.
”Sam?”
”yes” and turned around to find Edward Dark looking at me.
” would you have the next dance with me?” he asked in a serious voice.
”did Becky told you to do that?”
”no, I’m sorry, I..”
”was it David?”
”no, I just…”
”look, I wasn’t begging for a partner” I sad angrily.
”who talked about begging” he laughed, “I just want to dance with you”
“Ermm…”
“just one dance”
”Alright” I said quietly, “but I’m going to the loo first”

I couldn’t believe I agreed to dance with him, I swore I’m going to loath him for eternity, and now it’s me betraying Tom.

Eventually I danced with him, we danced something I really don’t know what it was, and believe it or not, everybody was looking at us, some of the people just stepped aside and starred, while I was trying to ignore his cold hands on my waist, for some reasons it made me feel warm. He danced like a professional, which really irritated me, because he was the lead. And I wish I wouldn’t say that, but he’s the sexiest dancer I’ve ever met.

“wow” said Jules and Becky both at the same time “That was the sexiest dance I’ve ever seen, since when you dance?”
”it wasn’t me” I said trying to ignore what was happening, “it was just that tosser”
”don’t call him that” said Becky offended, “he’s really nice… and sexy”
”he is” agreed Jules.
”can we go home now?” I said.

I tried calling Tom on Friday night. I know I look obsessive, but I wanted to know why he didn’t show up. I couldn’t reach him today as well, so I stayed at home worried.

Unbelievable what happened during this week. First I know that I should expect nothing good from my job. The film they were working on by the way is about Latin culture, history or something like that (I really don’t know why they decided to shoot it here in England).
On Monday they’ve decided to move to a difficult set, not very difficult, but it was really uncomfortable, my boss was annoying as usual, and kept ordering a coffee, and as usual I served the worst coffee ever, but he never gave up, he keep ordering, every single hour, he’s a coffeeholic, doesn’t he ever drink tea? We’re in England for Christ’s sakes

And I couldn’t understand a word he said, as he use the verbal fuck all the time, “oh fuck, what the fuck happened to the fucking camera that suppose to be fucking on this fucking stage. Oh fuck”

He calls me “the girl”, he doesn’t even know my name, can you believe that?

Anyway, while I was looking for a something he asked me to( or let’s say ordered like a commander), I really forgot what it was, anyway, I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I heard a crash and realized someone holding me, and no one but Edward Dark’s eyes looking at mine, as he was holding me.

“what is that?” I asked shocked, first of the crash voice and then of his appearance suddenly.

“A camera set just crashed” he replied with an aloof voice, “and you would have been the victim”
”what you’re doing here?”
”working”
but then I remembered that no one was around me before the camera crashed, how he appeared so fast?

“how did you appear so suddenly?”
”I was just right behind you”
”you were?”
”yeah, ermm… you need a…”

“What?”

“ermm…your hand is bleeding” and he looked so weird, but it wasn’t dizzy from the blood.
He let go of me when he heard my boss’s voice calling like a mental “what the fuck happened to the fucking camera number6? For fuck sake, where the fuck is the girl?”
Edward Dark told him that it was crashed, while I was taking care of my hand, I wasn’t injured; it was just a small wound on my arm.

I went home early, I immediately called Becky and told her about Edward. And how he appeared suddenly, and well… saved me.

“He’s more than you would expect” she said.

Bloody Becky.

 

The next day, Tom called and I told him that Edward works on the set, but I couldn’t tell him about the incident, I didn’t want him to worry or suspect anything.

 

Edward Dark wasn’t all the time on the set, it turned out he was only a co producer, so I don’t have to worry much about seeing him every day. He appeared again on Friday, he was as usual with his handsome looks but disagreeable manners, he ignored me all day, until he asked me about my arm. I told him it’s fine, only a small scar appeared on it, he nodded and turned away again.

 

I called Tom later, and he sounded so uncomfortable and hanged up after a conversation of 5 minutes, I know I shouldn’t suspect, but he sounded different and made me worried. Is he shagging someone behind my back?
I wanted to see him so badly on Saturday (today) but he wasn’t there. And I spent the whole day lonely and miserable.

 

By the way I bought a new lock for the door, at first I couldn’t figure out how to set it up, and it took me a while, I realized how much I try to be useful, but I just can’t do anything. Eventually dad helped. At least now I’ll only be annoyed by my boss!

My new job was horrible, I really mean it. This director that I was supposed to assist was horrible, from the first second he saw me and he immediately said “Ahhh! The new bloody assistant! You’re late!” and I swear I wasn’t late. But he wasn’t listening, he immediately sent me to make him a coffee, like I was a servant, “what you’re fucking waiting for? A COFFEE”, I usually make a good tasty coffee (that’s one of the things I can actually do right, and believe me I have some) anyway, I decided to make him most horrible coffee ever, maybe he’ll never ask me again to make him a coffee.
“You call that fucking coffee?” he burst when he spat the coffee out.

The day ended up horrible, he didn’t stop demanding, eventually I shut him up when I finally said, “I’m not your bloody slave!”

I went home exhausted, and with all the horrible day, mum was more annoying, “if you studied something else you would never find difficulties to find a job”.
“Mum, please..”
“All I’m saying, that why you never studied the law? Or anything else, a teacher would be at least better than a director”
a teacher? But I really wasn’t in the mood for this argument, I preferred to go up, and have a shower and maybe kill myself.

After I took a shower I was ready to go to sleep, but I turned my pc anyway, and what I found on my mail box?

A message from Toms Killan.

Hey
I’ve got your email address from Daniel. I’m really sorry about that night at Jules. It would be really awesome to see you on Friday night, we’ll go double you, me, Jules and Daniel. I’ll pick you up.
What do you say?
Yours
Tom

What I thought after I read this message?

He’s the sweetest, most beautiful, charming, wait, I’ll go look for some other expressions….stunning, adorable… ETC
It’s a date with the handsomest man alive!

I haven’t had any work on Friday, thank god! So I wished to wake up, trying not to be annoyed by mum, but since when I won’t be annoyed by her. first she woke me up, she hates the fact that I like to sleep until noon, for a reason I can’t understand. I don’t know why I don’t have a lock on my door, I seriously need a lock, I always forget to get one. But I should always keep in mind how much mum is annoying, and should always remember to get a lock.

Anyway, when she woke me up, she was like “Why your room is a mess?”
”because I like it this way” I said half conscious, still asleep.
”I don’t understand why you can’t be a neat girl”
”maybe because I hate being neat boring girl” I said waking up.

“Samantha, you’re already 25, you’re not a teenager anymore”
”mum, I just woke up, I need some rest, and I really need you to leave me alone!”

I woke up, I can’t go back to sleep after I wake up, I had two cups of coffee, and started looking in my closet for something really nice to wear tonight, I took a bath, and arranged my hair, so I can actually look great tonight, I really want to look pretty tonight.

I looked at the mirror before waiting for Tom, and I was satisfied for what I saw.
Tom came out, and he was so charming, he looked so sexy, when mum looked she was dazzled by his beautiful looks, I really hope she’ll stop teasing me from now on.
”you look lovely” that’s exactly what Tom said. He’s so sweet!

The club was really nice, Jules and Daniel were already there, and Jules gave me that look that was like “you look gorgeous!” and I winked.

It was so much fun. We danced and laughed, it was so awesome.

But suddenly when I got out of the loo, I couldn’t believe what I saw, Edward Dark was right in front of me (what on God’s earth he was doing there? Boring people just don’t hang out), He was gazing at me, I couldn’t just ignore him.
”Hey” I said trying to look normal.
”oh hey” he replied maybe trying to sound indifferent.
”What you’re doing here?”
”I’ve been asking my self the same question”
”I came with my mates”

“ermm…How’s David and...Becky?”
”they’re fine… ermm… look I’ll see you around”

“How do you know Edork?” asked Tom while we were on the way home.
”Who?”
”Edward Dark”
”oh, he’s a friend of David, you know , erm Becky’s boyfriend, you know Becky?”
”yeah”
”How do you know him?”
”I had met him in America”
”wow, really?”
”yeah, he was… we were sort of good friends”
”aha, were? and…”
”nothing”
”you don’t need to defend him, he’s not a friend of mine”
”well, let say I just made a mistake and let him meet my girlfriend”

I starred at him, little bit disappointed, I hate when I’m with a guy and he suddenly say he has a girlfriend.

“yes, I had a girlfriend” he said “and she ... you know slept with him, or he slept with her, I can’t remember which one cheated on me first”

“he shagged your girl?” I said disgusted, “then he’s a nasty bastard!”
”yeah, I guess he is… well, anyway, here we are” and we reached my home.
on the front door he kissed me ,and that was it.

I really had fun yesterday and Tom is really nice, and I totally love him, but can’t believe what he said about Edward, he didn’t look like a man who would cheat on a mate, but who cares anyway, Tom is adorable, and I really LOVE him.

Hurrah, Dad found me a job, well, not a really great flattering job, but I have to start somewhere, and my start was an assistant for a director, now this director I never heard of, but he needed an assistant. At first I thought I should decline it, but who knows maybe this job might lead me to another where I can have my own project on a film.

I’m starting next week, so I guess I’ll write about it here next week, I promise I’ll not forget.

Anyway, Jules invited herself over last Tuesday and had a little encounter (I won’t say fight) with mum, it was funny, and she was like “hey, good to see you Mrs. Laurie” and then mum gave her that look that would say “get out of my house you bitch” and Jules was like “how’s work?” and she knows mum doesn’t, she’s stays at home, invites friends, and visit friends, that’s practically her work. Mum just starred at her and said “how’s work? Do you still have costumers?” now that’s something I wish I won’t hear from other Mums.
”Actually I started paying them instead of them paying me”, that definitely shut my mum and she found another thing to waste her time on.
Jules saw me laughing from upstairs, she laughed in return and joined me.
”I swear I’m going to get a new apartment” I told her while we were sitting in my room, “as soon as I can get money.”
”so glad you found a job”
”yeah, I know it’s the bottom, but I have to start somewhere”
”right, erm, listen tomorrow Daniel is coming over and he’s bringing Tom, so join us”
”sure” I was excited.

She stayed over and we watched Pretty Woman, for some reason it made us try to listen to some opera music, you know when Vivian goes to the opera house and she gets so excited. Maybe now I’ll start to listen to the opera, I need something powerful to make me look at thing differently.

 

Jules house is different than mine, well, first it’s bigger and second her parents aren’t pain in the arse like mine, sometimes she can actually invite boyfriends to stay the night, while me, well, I’m still a virgin.

Tom and Daniel arrived before me at Jules, and suddenly I realized how you can see the differences between both of them, I’m not saying that Daniel is not good looking, but it’s impossible to compare him to Tom that looks like a Greek God.

Last time I saw Tom he had very bright eyes, I know it was night then, and the lights at that club confused me, I could barely see anything. But this time Tom’s eyes looked different, they were so dark as… black.

That night wasn’t exactly as I wished it was, first Tom ignored me and only said Hi, he didn’t even asked me anything else, I tried flirting with him, but there was no use, he was totally uncomfortable.
”are you using contacts?” I asked about his eyes.
”no, why?”
”your eyes look different”
”are they?”

“yeah”

That was awkward, was he mocking me?
He completely ignored me, why? I thought he liked me last time. Bummer, why that’s happening to me?

 

Tom couldn’t stay late, he apologized and left after half an hour, he was so quit and just left.

And the rest of the week was boring.

As you can see, I have a boring life, no one likes me, mum would be really mad for the next decade, and I’ll die an old spinster.

 

Wondering if I went to Becky’s on Monday might?
Eventually I did. I didn’t want to stay at home, alone, bored, and thought maybe if I go there would be at least something to write about in this empty blog.
David opened the door, I always liked David, but what he and Becky just did was disgraceful.
”what’s the matter?” he asked, “why this face?”
”I hate you!” I returned
”it’s good to see you too babe!”
I immediately went into the kitchen, and saw Becky doing something I didn’t know what, I’m the last one to ask about cooking, I would really love to cook, but me? Cooking? I don’t even know how to turn the oven.
”hey babe!”
”hey, what cooking?”
and she said something I couldn’t remember.
”is it eatable?”

“you would like it”
”you know I’m a fussy eater” –but eat a lot of the food I like (don’t know how to count calories)
”have you seen Edward?”
”who?”
”Edward Dark, David’s mate”
”no! not yet! Do I have to?” 

Edward Dark was sitting with David in the living room, I couldn’t see his face, only his hair, which gave me the impression he wasn’t old.

As we entered the living room David saw us and stood up, followed by Edward Dark, and I realized how tall he was. He turned around and looked no more than 30 years old, incredibly handsome and so charming.

“Edward” said Becky “This is Sam”
”nice to meet you” I said, trying to look nice.
”pleasure” he replied coldly as if he really don’t like the sight of me.
”erm, I’ve heard you’re a producer” I asked, maybe flirting, but what was the point?
”yes I am” he replied indifferent, but he had a British accent.

“ermm” I didn’t know what to say, “I’m a director” stupid for saying that.
”ok” and he walked away. Unbelievable!

 

The night was pretty much boring, Edward wasn’t talking much, he wasn’t even smiling, too bad such good looks can be wasted on this man. He’s already off my list, he didn’t even touch his plate, while Becky kept begging him to eat.

“Sam is a good director” they never give up humiliating me, “I told her to go to Hollywood, she would be really successful there, how’s Hollywood when you left it Edward?”
”I don’t actually live in Hollywood” indifferently, “I take movies in the north”.
”Why north? It’s warmer in Hollywood”
”I like the cold” he said with a proud voice.

He barely spoke, he was so boring that I started doubting him being a producer, aren’t producers pain in the arse? Or at least they talk all of the time.

It doesn’t really matter if he liked me or not, Tom seems to like me, and I don’t care much about any other bloke.

But I don’t know why it made me feel bad when Edward told David while standing on the door before leaving, “she’s not my type” that’s what he said. I know I shouldn’t feel bad for that, but I just hate when a man says that.
I felt so horrible, guys despise me, even a guy who’s boring like a history book hates me. Is that because I’m fat?

 

That was it for that evening. I went back home and told Jules about the whole night, even Edward.
”Who cares if he hates you” she said “At least you would still have Tom”
”yeah, I know”
”Daniel said he was asking about you”
”really? Don’t lie!”
”I swear!”
”what did he ask?”

“I don’t know, just few stuff about you?”
”like what?”
”Ermm, what you do for living, Daniel said you’re still looking for a job, and all sort of crap.”
”good start I guess, did he say anything else?”
”don’t think so” 

The rest of the week was boring, and I couldn’t do anything else, I tried looking for a job though, I helped dad with work trying to occupy myself (he’s an accountant by the way), and of course I tried as much as possible not to be annoyed by mum.

confession: I actually looked on the internet for Edward Dark, not because I like him or anything, I just want to know more about him as a producer. To my joy or not, I haven’t found anything interesting (or maybe because I haven’t looked hard, I just typed his name and too many had the same name. one of them was a writer, the other a lord, or I don’t know what, I closed the browser trying not to humiliate myself and be obsessive).

Yay, I like the idea of this blog, I can actually talk a lot about whatever I want.

So, erm, what’s going up lately?
well, After I broke up with my boyfriend Jeremy (that I’ve been dating for 3 years), my best mates Jules and Becky are trying to fix me up with some nice blokes. Jules tried last month and it was awful, she kept saying how gorgeous her cousin was, but when I met him it turned out he was a 20 year old geek. But on Wednesday she wanted to go out with her new boyfriend Daniel, and he apparently had a new friend, so she asked me to go out, at first I thought she’s trying to fix me up with someone, but it was only hanging out, I agreed with no expectation to see any good looking fellow.

But, everything fell apart when Daniel’s mate turned out to look like a Greek god. You know when you feel like stupid and can’t even say a word, and feel so embarrassed? That’s exactly how I felt when I met Tom, the American HUNK.

At least now I can be crush on someone who’s admired by so many, and the girls wont start saying “what do you like about this bloke?”

Tom is actually nice, I really hoped he didn’t feel that I was embarrassed and dazzled by his beauty. He offered me a drink, which was more like a ‘gentleman like manner’, but not sure he liked me, I mean I know I’m not that bad looking chick, but a guy like him would be going out with a hot blonde who looks more like a model.

Tom came to England to study the law (boring), he received a scholarship in Cambridge, he said he’ll stay for a year, I hope he stays more though, unless he breaks my heart.

“Tom is really cute”, I said while I was thanking Jules on the way home.
”I know” she replied satisfied with herself, “so you know how great I am”.
”yeah, thanks babe, but what’s with the law? Its boring”
”I know, but nobody’s perfect, but wait, you remember Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones? he was a lawyer too, he was perfect, so maybe he’s like him”
”hope so, I love Mr. Darcy”
”yeah, Colin Firth is so fit”

 

When I was home already I called Becky to tell her about Tom, but she wasn’t convinced, she already had other plans for me.

“David’s bringing his new friend to our house, maybe you would like him” she started.
”Becky, I already found my bloke!”
”Sam, he’s a producer, very successful, has been working in Hollywood for ages”
”I don’t need to shag some middle ages half twit to actually find a job”
”just come over next Monday night, maybe you don’t even have to shag him”
”I already have plans for Monday” I tried finding excuse not to come.

“doing what?”
”ermm, meeting Tom” which was a lie.
”please come, I already said you would be there”
”tell them my mum is at the hospital and I couldn’t come”
”David won’t believe you” she’s right “look, babe, if you won’t like him, that would fine, I’m not asking you to marry him”
”Alright I have to go now”
”Why?”
”I’m watching Bridget Jones”
”haven’t you see in it already a billion times”
”so what?”
”fine, Enjoy your time” and she hanged up.

I spent the rest of the evening watching the film, and trying to find the similarities between Mark Darcy and Tom, I couldn’t find a lot of similarities between both, but I just met Tom, so I can’t really be sure, maybe he’ll turn out like Darcy.

I’m trying to remember what happened last week, well, nothing much happened I actually hanged out with my mates and did all sort of crap.

And my mum kept driving me insane as usual. Like when she entered my room that day while I was changing and burst into saying “We should find you a husband!” now that’s the weirdest thing you would ever hear while you’re changing, I mean what does she mean by that?
”I’m 25!” I shouted like moron.
“Exactly!” she emphasized.

“What the fuck?…and why you never knock on the door?!? I’m bloody changing!”

“I’m your mother! And watch your language! Nobody wants a girl who uses the F word as a name, verb, adjective and adverb”

“I don’t want to get married” I kept shouting “as you know MOTHER we’re living in the 21^st century, were we actually DON’T have to get married at the age of 20” I don’t actually use the F word a lot, but my mum drives me insane, and I can’t just hold myself.

“Samantha! Darling… All I’m saying that you have to live like a lady! You must get your self a man! Or else you will die a spinster! I want to see my grandchildren before I die!”

I hate when she calls me Samantha! I hate that name! I don’t know why she never named me anything else.

“Mum! First I’m not gonna die spinster! Second you wont die soon…” unfortunately

“What on earth are you wearing?” she tried changing the subject.

“ermm… a donkey outfit! Actually I was thinking of dressing like a tart! But who wants to marry a tart!?”

“You’re so funny…”

“Get out MUM” I was trying to get her out

“Where are you going? you’re not going out with your Jules! I told you I don’t like your friend!”

“I don’t really need your opinion about my mates! Why can’t you leave me alone, and get out of my room, can’t a girl get some privacy in this house?”

“Privacy for what?”

“you know for Everything”

“Samantha!”

“What? if you needed to know MOTHER! I’m actually going to get pissed! And while getting pissed, I don’t need your bloody tips about my LIFE!”

That’s my mum, she’s pain in the arse.

She hates when I have fun, she hates the way I’m running my life, she hates everything I do.
She’s more like Mrs. Bennet (you know from Pride and Prejudice), she’s mental.
- I don’t mind talking about mum in my blog, because she would never find out, well, she doesn’t know what blog is, I bet she thinks it’s a block.

Anyway, talking of mum, sometimes I wonder why dad never moved out, I would move out as soon as I can get money for a new apartment, but you know everything is so expensive.
I don’t hate my mum, if you were wondering, I mean I love her, but I seriously believe that parents should leave their children once they’re 21, they don’t need them anymore.

At that night I was out for a drink with Jules and Becky, we didn’t do much, nothing interesting was going on, except that Jules said she was seeing a new bloke.

Jules is a really great friend, I know mum hates her and think she’s a tart, but that’s because mum hates everyone, except that Wilster girl, her oldest friend’s daughter, I think she would be adapting her soon, “why can’t you be like Natasha! She’s such a sweet girl!” bloody mum!

Mum on the other hand, loves Becky, well, not really loves her, but she “approves” of. Becky was studying creativity writing, which is rally fantastic, since she loves to write all of the time, and she loves making stories, she has a really good fantasy in her mind, maybe she would be like the new J.K. Rowling. Jules on the other hand is a journalist, she likes to be updated with news, well, not politics, caus we are all anti-politics. Huh

I’ve decided to put everything in a blog, I was thinking of keeping a diary, but it’s already the 21^st century. I never tried blogging before, but I read few, I know I don’t have interesting life, but what the heck, who’s going to read my blog anyway.

My friends Jules and Becky didn’t mind me mentioning them in my blog, they know that I’m not going to mention family names, or if I did, nobody would recognize them in real life. Well, they’re my best friends, so they don’t have to worry, I’m not going to write anything that might hurt them or be against them.

And if someone didn’t like what I’m writing he can sue me later, I never been sued before, maybe that would be the first time.

Anyway, I’ve decided to write every week, an entry each week, it would be great, I would be committed to something and it’s only on Saturday night, where I usually sit and do nothing but stare at the screen of my pc.